So many of us harbour an emotion of ‘unlove’, that shows up as feelings of
– not being appreciated
– not recognised
– not respected
– taken for granted
– not cared for
– not valued
– being used
All these grievances are different forms of the same complaint, our fundamental sorrow, a deep-down belief that – I am not loved – or more specifically – I am not appreciated as I am.
All of us long to know and feel confident in the beauty and goodness that lies within us. We long for others to recognise us, to see the goodness that lies within us and, like a mirror, reflect it back to us so we can appreciate and recognise it ourselves.
When this doesn’t happen, it takes the form of grievance against others for not providing the love and appreciation we long for, or against ourselves for not having succeeded in getting it.
The problem is we keep looking for it in the wrong places – outside ourselves, in relationships and people, who are also wounded like we are and are seeking it for themselves.
Even though perfect love can shine through relationships, others can’t be a constant source of it. We need to connect with the source that is perfect, unbroken and always available. Love flows in directly into us from the ultimate source, whether we call it, God, Universe, Higher Self, Inner being, Soul, Tao. This great love – absolute, pure and flowing, is the very core of our nature.
Yet, all our life we remain a beggar knocking every possible door for acceptance, approval and love. Sadly, after searching for it everywhere, we decide that genuine love probably doesn’t exist; not only do we give up on others, we conclude that we are not worthy of love. We never look inside; we never give it to ourselves.
Big miss, such a big miss, it is like a person sitting on the treasure chest and yet feeling poverty stricken.
Unfortunately, society doesn’t teach us that it is possible to love ourselves. We are taught that we can only love ourselves for a reason- if we achieve something we love ourselves, if we fail we hate ourselves. We never give or receive love without a reason or cause.
Unless we love ourselves, we are not able to love another person. We can’t give what we can’t receive. If we don’t feel loved within ourselves, then how can we ever truly love. If our self-criticism prevents us from loving ourselves, then how much do we have to give?
When we don’t love ourselves, we become cynical and negative towards life.
Only when we love ourselves, we are even able to give and receive love from others. We don’t feel guilty or unworthy when others show love to us; we receive others love with joy.
Just for a few moments, right now, feel overflowing love towards yourself, feel what a wonderful being you are; see how much you have taken yourself for granted. For a few moments feel yourself as part of existence, melt in the feeling of love for yourself. Do this exercise every day and you’ll feel yourself softening.
The key to loving is to become more permeable to love, to let it all the way into us so that it can live and breathe from inside out.
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